The one where... I failed to choose discomfort.
- Rinella da Silva
- May 16, 2020
- 2 min read
We human beings are wonderfully intuitive.
Yet, we've convinced ourselves that logic trumps intuition. Despite proof over centuries that our intuition has helped us survive extinction.
As a 'project leader', I have to confess that one of my biggest failures is not paying true attention to my intuition. Even if it was to inspect it a little more closely. And then calmly share what the feeling was.
And, I also confess that it was because I wasn't sure it was ok to.
In a world dominated by 'logic and reason', it seems 'weak' and 'uncomfortable' to say...
"I am feeling nervous... and I'm not too sure why"
After many incidents, however, where retrospectives have shown that a moment in time passed without closer inspection of the risk involved, I decided to give that little voice in my head (and, in fact, my heart) more credit.
Once upon a time, I took on a project that was originally being managed by my team. The project seemed to have been delayed without good reason. Various people internally were flagging up 'issues' with how it was scoped. All were ignored because the 'logic' wasn't clear. They were labelled 'trouble makers'. An SOW was signed off. And User Stories were written. How can there be scope issues?
And so, I stepped in to understand the details. And my intuition went nuts! And was ignored.
I sat through project meetings where our leadership team agreed to deadlines. While, in the same moment, I heard the delivery team explain the complex logic of dependencies between ourselves and 2 - 3 other integrations which were out of our control.
And I doubted myself.
Because the Senior stakeholders on the project board were saying that all parties were on track... and we ignored the team on the ground who were saying, "we're sinking".
And we sunk.
A combination of failures resulting from the leaders protecting themselves in a boardroom rather than coming clean about the challenges being faced by the team. Or, an environment where fear prevented the team from speaking up?
Perhaps a little bit of both.
This isn't even an unfamiliar story, is it?
So, here's what I've learned.
Respect and Accept the feeling
For me, it's a niggle in my chest, a tightening that makes me catch my breath.
When I feel that, I stop for a minute and breathe.
If it's still there, I say something like, "I would like to flag up that I am sensing a potential risk. Help me understand if this is likely..."
Share it. Calmly.
Breathe again.
Explain what I'm seeing that is making me feel this way.
And breathe.
Allow the storm of discomfort to happen.
If I were to have a do - over on the scenario above, I'd opt to be the whistle-blower. Because the price I paid after was very high. Not financial. But mental. In the form of resentment. Anger. That is far more damaging to me than anyone else.
Someone reminded me of this statement recently.
"Choose discomfort over resentment." - Brene Brown
And so... I choose discomfort.
Because as a 'leader', if I don't... who will?
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